I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
