I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
