So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
