My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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