Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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