worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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