Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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