Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
