no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
