So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
