Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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