apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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