I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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