An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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