How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize