one two three fourrrrnication!
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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