Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
