Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
