i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
