Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
