I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
