Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
