I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
