did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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