bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
