you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
