You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
