i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Sorry about my life...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
