lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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