dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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