It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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