Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
