Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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