don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
