I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
