my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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