You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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