I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
