I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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