So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
