a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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