Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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