Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
