I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
