i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
