can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
