I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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