you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
In America we eat man semen.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
