I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
