I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
