Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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