I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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