Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
im six kinds of drunk right now
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
