There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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