i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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