You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
