i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
