some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Less talking, more tequila
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
