What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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