I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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