sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We need a shit load of segways right now
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I need a beard to bite.
All the doctor said was why
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
