I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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