Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
