he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
