my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
