she was so not down for the gang bang
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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