Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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