Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
