I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
