I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
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