Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
